It also means I can use the letters Cert German(Open) after my name, apparently certifying that I am an open German. This is an improvement on when I passed their Introduction to the Humanities course, when I was allowed to put Cert Human after my name. Yup, I'm certainly human!
It has been an interesting and vigorous course, but I think they missed out a few essentials of German language and culture; namely:
- Dialogue to use when phoning up a plumber and asking them to repair your central heating.
- How to fill in an Anmeldungformular for registering residency.
- How to get your gas, electricity, and water connected.
- The correct use of 'genau' in every other spoken sentence.
- The importance of giving the exact change at the check-out, and the meaning of 'Hmm?'
- The dustbin collection system, Pfand, and gelbe Säcke.
- How to operate a Deutsche Bahn Fahrscheinautomat (ticket machine) without ending up with a return ticket to Zagreb.
- How to politely tell acordion players, Strassenfeger (Big Issue) sellers, or East European women with babes in arms asking 'do you speek eenglish?' that whilst I would like to help with their welfare I don't have any Kleingeld (change) just at the moment so would you mind just going away please?
- What exactly is Schlager music and how can it be avoided?
- The importance of the TV programme Tatort in popular culture (ditto Unser Sandmännchen, Bauer sucht Frau, and the cook with the unfeasibly enormous curly moustache).
- Vocabulary for asking for a haircut so that you don't come out with it bright red, or with a mohican or mullet (the default options for women and men respectively).
- How to survive Silvester with your nerves intact.
- CDU, FDP, Die Linke, SPD, Bündnis 90/Die Grünen usw. . . what's the difference between these parties? After all, I'll be having to vote for one of them later this year.
- Cindy aus Marzahn. I mean, what?!
Maybe the course co-ordinators are reading this, and these points will be covered in the next presentation of the course. Or maybe not.